Chuck Im gonna go get some brand spanking new mattresses because we *need to have some serious fun like that. Did it all the time as a kid but then you have to give it up cuz it tends to hurt LOL
Never stair-surfed. Did run maniacally up stairs two or three at a time, then down two or three at a time, to sock-surf across the tile floor :D What did the stairs contribute to the sock-surfing? I have no idea, but that's what we did.
My grandma's old farm house had steep, steep narrow stairs. I would belt a pillow to my scrawny arse and fly down the stairs. I thought I was the most clever, adventurous thing in the world....until my Aunt spilled that she and my mom did the same things as kids. Sigh.
I grew up deprived...we had a carpeted, one-story house and my only real adventure on stairs involved falling down a flight of them at my mamaw's house. She rubbed butter on my head, told me I was fine and sent me out to play. I'd totally mattress surf now and I'd even do it on JM's mattresses since I suspect bugs aren't anything that's needed to be worried about for awhile now...if ever.
Y'all reading her FB tonight? A supposed friend of Israel's is there...interesting. And I want to slap her and a few of her readers, her for saying way too much publicly and one reader in particular for telling her she should have her kids pray for Daddy to come home. Yeah, that's brilliant. Way to screw the kids up, right there. @@
Oh, well, she just deleted the posts from Israel's "friend", who said she's not telling people she moved the kids 4 hours away from him and he has no phone now. Well, that and he's got a good attorney and they're watching her blog and FB. But this shit is still there and just kills me: "Terri Manley Cote I agree...pray with them for daddy and for each other out loud so they can hear you asking God for Daddy to come back."
She better watch her ass...stuff like this flies poorly in court.
I do have to ask, what was she supposed to do? She's obviously living with her parents. He makes next to nothing money wise, how was he going to support two households?
You know when my ex and I finally split he moved about 3 hours away to be with his mother. But you know what he did (once he was sober) he drove his ass out to see the kids weekly.
I sympathize a bit with the situation and of course I don't know it all but I find stupid excuses like that to be just that, stupid. A prepaid phone is like 20 bucks, something you can use to call the kids.
You make sacrafices to see kids, you don't bitch and whine about how they've moved away when frankly I don't see what else they could have done. What would he have had them do?
She can't get a job because she has 4 kids who are not school age and would need daycare and we all know she couldn't afford that.
You know something weird. My oldest never askes where Daddy is. I don't know why. She never has. So I find it odd that they're asking although I do think for a long time that IM was their primary caregiver so it might be because of that. But you know what you tell them, simply that daddy loves them. That's it.
By the way, just because I'm cynical, how do we know that was a friend of his as well? And where is he getting money for a good attorney? LOL!
Missed yesterday, but I don't think that the info about IM helped. Quite the opposite. It confirmed that he has done nothing so far to re-assure those kiddos that daddy is not leaving THEM.
Not organizing a phone for himself but getting a lawyer? To watch her online activity? Ridiculous. He won't prove parental alienation that way, but waste money on the lawyer's billing hours. There is really no excuse for not even calling them, IMO. He doesn't want to talk to her? Very mature, but get somebody to ask her to put the kids on the phone until things calm down enough.
And I don't see the big screwup of the kids by having them pray for daddy's return. I know that's what I did. I was raised by a fundie mother and an atheist father. The understanding that "Jesus had to move his heart" was something that gave me hope for years. Neither of them stopped me and my dad humored me by having a 30 min bible study every visit. Seriously, it cushioned the blow for me until I was old enough to understand they're better off without each other and the reconciliation will never happen.
Oh, I agree that her best bet for earning a living right now is blogging...she can't begin to make that kind of money at Target or wherever and really, that's all she's qualified to do anymore besides blogging. She just needs to be super, super careful what she puts out there now, or allows to remain there, about the kids and Israel. He absolutely can request in court that the kids never be mentioned or shown on her blog and odds are strong that would be granted. If that happens, her blog is screwed so she'd be wise to not put anything out there to aggravate him right now.
As for $20 for a prepaid phone, he simply may not have it. Seriously. Or, alternately, he may have done just that and that $20 prepayment has to last him a week. For all we know, he *is calling the kids but can't afford to every single night or for the length of time everyone would like. And same with the car, he truly might not be able to afford more and stressing an already unreliable car could put him in a world of hurt if it dies...as in no job. He just can't take that risk. Sometimes, it simply cannot be done and what we don't know is how much he *is contacting them, the implication is "not at all" and yet, we don't know that.
As for her moving away, we don't know for a fact she's in her parents' home yet. I, too, suspect she is but we just don't know. I *do know one thing...she can make enough blogging that she could, in short order, afford a place closer to Israel. And that, imo, is *exactly what she should do as soon as the school year ends. But again, she needs to be cautious...she's self-employed at home. A judge can *order her to move those kids back close to their dad.
Also, there are a lot of attorneys who will take interesting cases on for reduced costs, if not free, outside of filing fees. There are some, too, who are huge fathers' rights advocates who will do the same. Annnnd, some will let you barter services. My own let me do a load of research for him and fill in for his receptionist when she was out in exchange for some services.
"You know something weird. My oldest never askes where Daddy is. I don't know why. She never has."
That is strange. How old is she? Maybe she honestly isn't bothered by it?
"And I don't see the big screwup of the kids by having them pray for daddy's return."
The way it seems to me is that when it doesn't work and Daddy doesn't reconcile with Mommy, the kids are left with the messages that maybe they didn't pray hard enough, or God doesn't think they're good enough to have their daddy return, or that God is just mean...a negative message, you know? Alternately, it seems it could send a message that Daddy is ignoring God and that's a bad message to send a kid, too. One that isn't accurate. I'm truly glad it worked for you, Kate, and believe it did, but I do wonder if you're a bit of an exception in that.
I missed the friend's post yesterday, so I was going by your own description. Had IM been calling his kids until the pre-paid phone went out, etc. wouldn't the friend have mentioned that as well? First thing? Sorry, but saying JM omits the important info that IM doesn't have a phone makes it sounds as if he actually hasn't managed to set up lines of communication (yet).
Anyway, that's why I said the friend made it worse.
Yeah, it depends on how that message it put out there, I guess. My mom made it clear that ultimately it's in God's hands, but that God appreciates to be asked. There was definitely no promise of 'if you do it right, it WILL come true.' I'd always assumed that all parents instill into their offspring that God's not a genie. Just that you can ask him for anything and He will weigh the requests in his Godly wisdom.
For me that worked perfectly. It took away a lot of helplessness in this situation, because it felt that what little could be done... I was actively contributing. Very different as if I'd simply been told: Que sera, sera. Wait and see.
Oh, just saw your comment regarding the validity of that friend. Yeah, makes sense. So they confabulated "IM has no phone" from Roobii's info "IM can't be reached via phone" and ran with it as usual.
Kate, done as your mom did, I can see now, since you've explained more, how it could have helped, yes. Sadly, not everyone does explain that God isn't a genie and so for that woman to just suggest she have the kids pray for him to come home struck me as a very, very bad idea. To suggest your kids pray fin the manner you did doesn't seem nearly so worrisome to me.
And I'm sorry, I wasn't specific enough when I mentioned about the friend of Israel's posting. No, it easily could have been a trouble-maker stirring stuff up but it was still interesting to see someone even trying to bring up the possible "other" side. I do find it incredibly interesting that she never has said specifically that he never calls, has had no contact, etc. She hints at it, but avoids saying it and never answers questions when people ask for more specifics. That leads me to believe he *is contacting the kids as much as he can and it's simply not enough to make up his actual presence to the kids, which is completely understandable on their part. In fact, hearing his voice and not being able to see him could make it worse...I know it always was a lot harder on Jake after he'd talked to his dad. It made him miss his dad a *lot more.
I hate that the kids are going through this because he was their main caregiver for so long and now he is just gone.
We dont know what happened to cause this separation. We dont know where she moved and where that is in relation to where he is. We dont know the circumstances regarding communication. All any of us out here can do is speculate. For all we know she did a fly by night kind of disappearing act and wont let him see the kids. I mean we just dont know. We have one side of the story and you cant really get facts from that no matter how hard you try.
Age is a huge factor in that, non? How old was Jake when you separated?
Well, it would be a first for JM to answer something outright, eh? That doesn't really mean anything one way or the other. She could be avoiding to lie and just hint at stuff to make him look worse. But just as well she could be saving a grand total of his sins towards his kids for a later date. Both methods are status quo for her communication style.
Kate, he was 9 but starting when he was about 3, his dad was gone for weeks and sometimes months at a stretch for work. It was bad then but he eventually adjusted to that just being how life was and was fine. Then, when I told his dad I wanted a divorce, his dad tried to become super dad. He stopped the traveling, tried to keep Jake glued to him (which meant away from me) and tried to rebuild the bond. The he stopped again and got all erratic, causing the same thing to happen all over...it was hard for Jake to talk to him and not see him. Thinking back, it was definitely worse when Jake was really young, though.
Shannon, I agree. We can piece a lot together but we really don't know for a fact. Here's what I'm wondering - why, if he has no phone or uses prepaid, is he no longer on the family cell phone plan? To call the kids regularly, like every day or every other day, and talk to them all would cost a fortune and it seems even his half of the bill on an iPhone with unlimited stuff that we know she still has would be cheaper (or as cheap, anyway) than prepaid. No? So, correct me if I'm missing something here, but wouldn't that mean either he *did walk away from it all, including the kids (which I doubt but I could be wrong), leaving his iPhone behind or that phone plan was in her name and she canceled his phone. Am I looking at this all wrong?
Not looking at it wrong at all that is how I am looking at it as well. And really prepaid phones are crazy when it comes to cost on minutes talking. I kind of hate it that there are such glaring holes in it all and then all anyone can do is speculate to try to fill those holes with something. And really I get that she wants privacy through all of this, it is understandable, but why share some things that lead to the speculation unless that is what you really want?
Well, we don't know a lot, but it's still more than just one side of the story.
I tend to believe Anja's and Roobii's sources, even if Roobii says that JM could be planting wrong stories.
But according to their info IM & JM planned that separation for some time. - JM is not living with her parents - JM is renting a house that she got either from or with help from one of her online friends - IM can't be reached via phone - IM is still near the farm / his new workplace with somebody he works/worked with - JM moved near her parents
If JM cancelled it, if he disconnected it on purpose, Roobii doesn't know. Just that none of their mutual acquaintances has been able to get in touch with him.
And somebody mentioned that on updated court documents in the rent escrow case IM & JM both now have an address in WI. In that case there is no 'JM took the kids across state lines'.
Thanks for elaborating. I always feel deeply sorry for what you & your kid had to go through. Especially this latest detail, Jake's dad crashing in and out of Jake's life like that.
IMO it's not necessarily worse when kids are younger, it's a different confusion and pain.
On one hand little kids adept more easily, they accept that things are what they are. But as they can't quite understand what's going on (and are being kept in the dark more, because parents want to shelter them) they might develop anxiety, distrust, etc.
Older kids understand more but are also more likely to reflect stuff on themselves, I think.
Kate, thanks, but we're good and far wiser for it all. As in the McK's case, both Jake's dad and I were to blame for different things, although his was worse (no, really, it was). I was incredibly blessed to find a wonderful counselor who was supposed to be for Jake, but since my son isn't exactly a sharer, lol, wound up giving me the best parenting advice *ever* for helping him be okay with everything. His dad owes over $15K is back child support and is pretty much absent, still...they see each other maybe once a year, talk on the phone maybe 4 times a year and yet Jake knows beyond any doubt that his dad loves him. And his dad *does love him...he's a good, decent man with a whole lot of mental and substance abuse issues that overwhelm him and control his life and actions. Were it not for this counselor helping me to see this, see the reality of the situation, the message I sent to Jake would have been far different, I'm afraid. Very bitter. The best advice I could ever give JM is to find a good, non-religious family counselor (Jake's actually taught the court-ordered "Children And Divorce" classes for our county, as well) for both her and her kids and go, go, go for a long time.
I do tend to believe Roobii and Anja's sources, too, as far as that can go. But are they being given accurate info? Possibly not. Also, Israel might have gotten rid of his phone if people were calling him non-stop and harassing the shit out of him for leaving, you know? That's just it - we don't know.
Before it gets deleted, this is interesting...this guy appears real, by the way.
Adam Warhol Someone that knows you both personally knows the truth. He didn't leave you, you guys both agreed to take a break. He is working at a location hours away from you and *wants* to see the kids but it isn't logistically possible from where he works and where you are staying. You are the only one with transportation that fits all the kids so perhaps YOU should bring them to visit him, since he can't come get them and you know it. 33 minutes ago · Like · 2
Adam Warhol Also, he left because you won't put your family before social media.
Now THAT sounds like an MWoP plant. It sums up their common opinion perfectly.
I agree that we don't know. Nobody knows, not even Roobii. I wouldn't put it past her to have collected his family plan phone.
But I agree with Pamala, if he really wanted to visit the kids, he WOULD find a way to make it happen. No matter how unreliable his car is. It's early days, so they don't need overnight plans just yet. But not making a single visit in 2 weeks is ... astonishing.
I don't think the guy was a plant. He's from WI, had a picture up and a ton of friends you could see. It wasn't a new FB page and all info fit, you know? His comments are gone now, anyway.
And before we're too quick to blame Israel for not visiting (which we don't know he hasn't, but I'll assume he hasn't), what if he works every day? Many people who work 2 jobs work 7 days a week. That alone would cause him to be unable to make an 8 hour round trip plus time to visit during reasonable hours. If he's driving that old junker they bought, the one that broke down immediately, remember, well, making that kind of trip in that car is a bad move. I'd not risk it, not even to see my kids, because while they needed to see me, they also need me to be able to get to and from work, too. Notice she's never once said he's not giving her any money for them? My guess he's working and between trying to live himself and giving all he can to take care of the kids, losing a job is the last thing he needs to have happen. But okay, let's say he makes the trip...he can't take the kids anywhere since they won't fit in his car. So, now what? He sits in her new place with them? With her right there in the room? I don't believe for a moment she'd not make it all about herself and insist on using that time to harp on him about coming back instead of letting him have uninterrupted time with the kids. That's a situation right there that could and would compound the stress on those kids to an incredible degree. Or, alternately, she could simply not allow him to come in after he made the trip. it's just not so easy to say if he wanted to see them, he would have or could...not necessarily.
I do have to say I posted very little about my divorce/separation and I can't remember (nor am I willing to read it again) if I really ever said anything insanely bad about my ex. I've always been concerned about his ability to get a job. LOL! I like my child support.
That being said, I'm not sure why my oldest doesn't ask about him. She's 5. But we've been doing the separation/divorce thing since she was 3 so maybe she doesn't know any better?
Apparently I didn't finish my thought. LOL! Hey I'm trying to work here too.
But I don't remember posting anything "bad" on my blog other than I was pissed off at the situation and didn't understand why things were happening. On Facebook all 50 of my friends got to hear some of the bad but that was 50 of my friends and I don't have a public page.
I am finding her tweeting and facebooking to be a bit disturbing. There are just some things you should keep to yourself. Write about your anger, your hurt, your loneliness, fine. But to bitch about your soon to be ex, seems counterproductive.
Well, after some nice lady said she was disappointed the mutual friends remarks were removed, I see the Admin. stepped in and removed hers, too, and issued a little hand slap. *eyeroll*
Pamala, maybe, since she's so young, she's put it in the past and adjusted faster? I'm not sure...it's good that she can do it and not be upset by it, though. I'm with you about child support...my ex owes me around $16K and people ask why I never fought to have him jailed. Well, shit, then he *really couldn't pay, could he?
Didn't mean to ignore your other post. I'm currently multitasking & was only replying to the quick-answer stuff first.
I believe you when you say 'his was far worse'. Just like I believe the saying 'in the breakdown of a marriage both parties are always (equally) to blame' is utter bullshit. I've seen wives put up with way more than I'd take, and ultimately being completely blindsided by a cheating husband, no detectable fault there. And I've seen women turn into child-centered witches that make me wonder why the husbands still come home at all.
I'm glad you've come out on top and had a great conselor. Still sounds sad to me that Jake doesn't have a better bond though. He is still quite young, IMO. All grown up, sure, as you are at 20? 19?, but still... Non-religeous counseling is the way to go, I fully agree. For the fact alone that churches will mostly push for preservation of the marriage, no matter what might be in the best interest of everybody involved.
Maybe I'm making a lot of enemies now, but 16k? That's not too bad, huh? Don't get me wrong, if I could get my hands on some 16k or not, I'd take it. But in the overall scheme of things, that sounds as if he either only had to pay $200 a month or missed occassionally but not always.
I went to BWOP...lordy, lol. I figured Jennifer Price-Warhol was Adam's wife but didn't recognize the name from MWOP. And I wish people would not be ugly to Dawn (Taylor's mom) on BWOP. I know her (not personally, but from these blogs for a few years) and she's a terrific person. I don't care for her support of JM, but she's still just an awesome woman and is entitled to her opinion like everyone else.
Overall there were more nice comments to Dawn than ugly ones. She seems as if she can deal with it. To me anyway.
I do recognize that name. And I've seen her mug before. Don't remember the context, but I'm guessing she was active on JM's facebook before or used to link her RL data to her MWoP profile.
Kate, in my marriage, I took a lot of crap and abuse for a lot of years. I lived in fear for many years and even when he was gone, I was still scared of him. I know *now that drugs played a huge part in his behavior but I was stupid and all wrapped up in my own pity party to see what he was doing, I guess. The fact is, though, I didn't see it. Add that all into the fact that, despite loving him (still do), I really should have never married him (or any man) and we both were to blame in things. My solution to the whole mess was to have an affair, which was only my fault and morally, a nasty thing to do. It did, however, save my life and gave me the courage to see how both Jake and I deserved better. His solution was to amp his drug use up to crack cocaine, take up with a crack whore (he's married to her now), and put Jake into incredibly dangerous situations, leading to a heck of a lot of law enforcement, criminal and social services involvement in our lives for awhile. I still say his bad trumps mine. *nods*
Child support? $16K is a lot of money to me and to Jake, but no, it's not a lot in the grand scheme of life. He was ordered to pay around $200 a month because he hid a load of income that I couldn't prove he had.
Kate, "Just like I believe the saying 'in the breakdown of a marriage both parties are always (equally) to blame' is utter bullshit."
I do believe this kind of stuff too because yes it does happen but I think that when both parties are aware of the issues then it takes that and makes it both. I mean if one is cheating on the other but comes clean well now the non cheating spouse can make the decision to forgive and work on the marriage or to walk away. Once you know what you are dealing with and make the choice to work to fix the situation then you are equally as responsible.
Also in that line of thinking if both people agree to resolve the issues and the non cheating spouse is doing everything in their power to address their own faults in an attempt to be better then good. If the cheating spouse however puts on a show that they are working to correct their own faults but are still out sneaking around...well then it is no longer both people working on the relationship.
JM is a Blogger and mobile. She can Tweet and Blog anywhere. IM is apparently holding down two jobs. Hmm...the responsible parent thing to do in a situation like theirs is for JM to take the kids to see their dad.
Not all moms believe in God. Just putting that out there.
I totally agree with you that both parties are responsible for a marriage. Equally. And both parties have to work on it, for it to make it last.
But otherwise I'm not sure if we are saying the same thing in different words or different things. If the cheater came clean and the spouse has decided to stay they're still equally responsible, IMO, of course. No free ticket for the non-cheater to be beyond reproach from there on out.
Maybe my message to Lisa was not clear. I fully believe that in some cases one spouse is really to blame for the breakdown of a marriage. Maybe the cheating was not a good example.
My best friend is married to a terrible bore that I wouldn't take if he came with a palace and private jet. Still, they had phases where I found myself completely on his side and was secretely afraid he's leave. Totally one-sided blame. I would even have understood if he HAD cheated.
"Also in that line of thinking if both people agree to resolve the issues and the non cheating spouse is doing everything in their power to address their own faults in an attempt to be better then good." The question there for me is, does that ever work? In those cases where one spouse cheats because of reason xyz in the other spouse, isn't it usually too late then?
I have to think about that, because off the top of my head I'd say I don't know anybody who cheated once because of behavior of their partner and then they went back to normal.
I know people who cheated because they could. And people who really needed somebody better for a change. Which helped them to see the light & leave for good. Kind of how I understand Lisa's past.
Not sure if what I was trying to say came out right. I totally DO believe you that your part was of 'lesser blame'. And I do NOT believe that it's always equal blame. Equal responsibility, yes.
But it's totally possible that only one person screws up royally.
"My solution to the whole mess was to have an affair, which was only my fault and morally, a nasty thing to do." See, I only partly agree with that. Morally wrong, yes, maybe, I don't know. That's not a black and white area for me. If a marriage has deteriorated to the point where one spouse is completely abandoned, is it still actually cheating on somebody?
Also, I'm not convinced that you had the affair in order to fullfill some 'physical lust', but rather in need of humanly love & warmth. There's a big difference between a cad looking for strange because wifey bores him a little and what you describe.
And ulitmately, I'm only admitting this here though, I wouldn't consider a one time cheating the end of the world. Emotional neglect that lasts for years is way worse in my book.
Of course I don't tell my husband. I tell him that I have a .22 and a shovel.
You're right. Only, we don't know that they have any communication going at the moment. If JM can't get hold of him she'd have a hard time bringing the kids over.
I'm positive she knows where he works. She could get home of him there. Some work places won't let employees make long distance personal calls. NOT a fan of JM or IM. Just stating some ideas.
"If a marriage has deteriorated to the point where one spouse is completely abandoned, is it still actually cheating on somebody?"
It is in my book. It wasn't so much the legal thing at all; I don't lay much stock in legal marriage. It was the fact I didn't go to him first and tell him I was done and wished to have a relationship with another person. It was the dishonesty. I had the option of doing things in the right order and *chose not to and it is truly my biggest regret in life, how I handled that. Yet, I understand I had to do it that way in order to get the strength back to get out. The guilt I'll always have is the price I paid to be free and it was worth it, but it was still wrong and there is still a price to pay. I am proof that the old saying "once a cheater, always a cheater" is untrue, though. Never, *ever would I do it again. Ev-er. And, I've sincerely apologized to my ex-husband, as well. I'm awfully glad we are no longer married but hate how I behaved to end it. I had reasons but there's just no excuse, you know?
"Also, I'm not convinced that you had the affair in order to fullfill some 'physical lust', but rather in need of humanly love & warmth."
Oh, absolutely. That's 100% what it was about...he'd sucked every ounce of my self-esteem and worth out, and I'd let him do it. She gave it back to me. It did help that she was super cute, though. ;-)
How long have you been married, Kate? I'd guess quite awhile, based on your comments and a gut feeling. I hope so, as I love hearing about long marriages!
"It was the fact I didn't go to him first and tell him I was done and wished to have a relationship with another person. It was the dishonesty." Ok, I understand that. Not sure that I could do that (being dishonest) either. So far, I'm always confessing as soon as I realize I have a slight work-crush on someone. Happens to me a lot. I'm not acting on it, but the 'spring in the step' is there and it's not caused by the man at home. Occassonally. But then again, my 'confessing' happens in a stable, loving relationship and he's gotten used to it by now. (I hope.) KwIm? It's not a re-orienting myself out of desperation, more a fun thing out of boredom(?). I wouldn't put it past me to do the same thing as you did if motivated by despair.
Recognizing that it was the morally wrong thing to do excuses the whole thing completely in my book. It's not as if you're now saying: This is the way to go! If unhappy in a marriage, test the waters elsewhere, see if you could be happier! You'll still get nothing but admiration from me.
Ok, when it comes to me, I'm a little paranoid about what to share on the internet. Don't take this the wrong way, please. We've been together, off & on since we were both still in school. We actually got married way, way late. But last year we celebrated that we've known each other now longer than half our lifes. (We got together fairly quickly after we met.) Hope this gives you some idea & I'm not being a rude putz. After asking you the most personal questions everyday...
Well, JM blogged yesterday that IM opted to not have a phone service. While I see your point with the work phone, I wouldn't do it either.
Being the better parent and trying everything to have the kids have a chat with dad is great in concept, no question. But my pride would kick in at that moment and not let me 'run after him' when he chooses to be unavailable. Ball's in his park, IMO. Also, who knows if he wouldn't refuse to take my call & then I'd have the additional humiliation of being told by some receptionist that "he seems to be not in after all". No, thanks.
Yeah I'm like that with my kids dad. He typically calls daily but on the days that he forgets I sure as hell won't be calling him to track him down. That's up to him to make it a priority to call the kids, not me.
So that's why I find the excuses to be just that. Sure she has the better car to haul the kids around, well why does she have to drive to him? Because she moved? He could drive to them and take them to the park, etc. I assume he isn't taking them over night nor could he.
I know five hours is a long way to drive especially if he's not taking them overnight but imagine that's the same for her. And just because she's a blogger doesn't mean she's able to go out and about as easily as people think.
I think you and I are pretty much on the same page when it comes to speculating about IM's behavior. I'm trying to see him 'through Lisa's eyes', but then Roobii described the same impression I had of him.
"Ok, when it comes to me, I'm a little paranoid about what to share on the internet. Don't take this the wrong way, please."
Not at all, it's fine! And really, you satisfied my curiosity well, because when a couple has known each other more than half their lives and can still stand to be together, well...that's long and huge and wonderful in my book. :-)
I like how she said Israel opted out opted out of phone service...we have to remember that this is the same woman who claimed they don't have TV when it turned out what they really didn't have was cable. So, "opted out of phone service" could easily mean he's using a line on a roommate's plan and the roommate's minutes are limited. It could mean he's on a prepaid plan and not a regular "service" plan. It could also mean he can't afford a phone at all, but since he didn't give up food or gas for cell service, he opted out. Of course, it could also mean he's seriously choosing to have no contact. Who knows? But I just wanted to point out the various things her version of "opting out" could mean.
Did y'all see that letter one of her supporters wrote on MWOP? My. God. I peed myself, reading that...it really stuns me how incredibly stupid people can be, you know?
And lastly, why the hell did she tell her kids their dad is *choosing to not call them, even if he is? Stupid bitch. Tell them he wants to but just can't afford a phone right now....damn. :-(
Jennifer really needs to be more a whooooooole lot careful with pictures. I was curious about something, since I feel like crap today and have nothing better to do...had noticed something in a picture on her blog and wanted to see if I could find out (weighing carefully what I say here) exactly where she was when she took the picture. It took me literally less than 5 minutes to do so and I'm about 98% certain I'm right. So, now I probably know something that really no stranger should know because she insists on pimping her family out. Jesus, she pisses me off.
I anonymously sent her a comment today. I understand her wanting to express how she's feeling but damnit on her blog is not the place to do it. I don't know if she's thinking she's invincible and that IM could never possibly get custody of the children, or even get full custody but odd things happen, and for her to chance that any of what she posts could be used against her is amazing to me. I mean indirect bad mouthing is bad mouthing and that doesn't fly with judges. They hate it actually. So it would actually be better if IM's friends kept their mouths shut. If they get divorced and have a custody battle I don't see it going well for her at all.
Now off to MWOP to see this letter, and then back to work.
OMFG! LOL!! I'm laughing so hard I'm crying. Whoever wrote that stupid ass letter is a moron and just gave the bankruptcy dude some additional reading. I mean yeah MWOP may seem to be weird but could you imagine if you were reading that letter? How could you not be laughing while reading it? The other letters sent in by MWOPers were very professional while whoever wrote that letter sounded like a child. Wow.
Pamala, reading the names of the posters in a letter sent to a judge was one of the best things I've read in a very long time! "NuttierThanSquirrelShit said..." Really? What in the *world was that person thinking, too, sending the judge to MWOP? I almost...ALMOST...feel sorry for Jennifer over this one.
I know I was thinking imagine you're reading that, I imagine he'd be laughing because some of the names are clever. But yeah there was never any mention of MWOP in any of the previous corrispondence. And now there is, and now the judge or whoever can read through it if they want. One of her followers basically just opened the door for a lot of stuff to potentially go wrong.
Has she lost her mind? Sending somebody to MWoP does not mean squirrelshit in itself. Because "why we are here" and then photoshopped eyebrows, bridesmaid dresses and red houses that may or may not have burnt down insufficiently are as useless as this letter.
But the tags 'finances', 'lies', 'manipulation' are somehow more portrudet in a screenshot than on MWoP.
She did have a tiny point with 'Anja's headstart'. I had wondered about that myself. The landlord's letter seems to have been leaked from the courthouse. But a different case in a different court.
Re: Wordsmithing of 'opting out of service': yeah, but she'd still be outright lying when saying "We can’t call him, even if we wanted to." Not the same as spinning 'having a DVD screening device' into 'having no TV'.
Re:'choosing to not call them, even if he is?' Yeah, stupid bitch is right. Why torture your kids for your insufferability?
And now I'm off to take a closer look at her recent photos. Because I need to see it too.
One wordsmithing thing I thought of could be, "he's choosing not to have phone service" as he left me, therefore he left his (ie, the phones are in her name and if he isn't with her he doesn't get his phone)
Does that make any sense? My head is killing me so I'm not sure if what I am saying makes any sense!
Also, I went back to look at recent photo's too! Trying to figure it out lol
Jennifer really needs to be more a whooooooole lot careful with pictures. I was curious about something, since I feel like crap today and have nothing better to do...had noticed something in a picture on her blog and wanted to see if I could find out (weighing carefully what I say here) exactly where she was when she took the picture. It took me literally less than 5 minutes to do so and I'm about 98% certain I'm right. So, now I probably know something that really no stranger should know because she insists on pimping her family out. Jesus, she pisses me off. "
I think I read between the lines and figured out what you were referring too. Girlfriend needs to be more careful.
Your wordsmithing theory does make sense, same as what Lisa said. But again, then she's be lying by saying 'we can't call him even if we wanted'. If that's a lie, she might just skip the wordsmithing altogether and just say 'IM refuses to talk to any of us.'
Jill, I suspect you are right in what you figured out. Bad, bad business, right there, especially in court. And honestly, I'm not trying to be all cryptic...just protective while still talking about it.
MamaP! How are you feeling, other than the headache? And yep, I see what you're saying about possible wordsmithing. Much like if (and I'm saying IF as an example) she told him if he left her, she'd not let him see the kids. He went ahead and left her, therefore he's choosing to not see the kids, right? So, she says they're emailing, the two of them. Has she ever come right out and said he's had no contact with the kids in any form?
@Kate, I should probably confess Tempi isn't actually my name (it's Jamie). I created Tempi for the BWOP blog b/c I was afraid of people finding me and being nasty. I'm a wuss lol. (Interesting note though, I love the name Temperance, and it is on our list as a name for our newest LO)
and bedbugs= a MAJOR pain in my a**. I haven't been around too much because I've been cleaning everyday, either that or I've been sick. Today I did both, cleaned and feel like crap 0_0.
We got rid of everything cardboard in the house, bagged up the entire basement, stuffed animals and any extra pillows. The I put double sided tape down all of the friggin place. My daily routine is to wipe down walls, steam mop floors, then spray bug spray and then spray with alcohol. On the bright side, my house is freaking spotless and we're saving on the utility bill because the windows are open alot during the day so the heat is off. We also haven't found any bugs dead or alive in about a week! So there is that
The downside, I am exhausted from cleaning. Simply exhausted. The husband bought me all these cool new toys (new touchscreen computer/kindle fire/portable photo scanner) and I haven't even been able to play with them :said with a pouty face: lol
The MAF wanted to buy M a snake for his 3rd birthday, said it would be a great "sensory" thing for him and of course he is right it would be, but I don't like snakes. Well I caved and said if that's what M wanted he could have it. When we went to the pet store, M wanted a lizard instead...
So guess what we came home with? A Ball Python AND a Chinese Water Dragon. Not overly thrilled about the snake, I don't touch him but I LOVE the Lizard, he's so cool and animated! It's neat to watch him move around. Respectively, the snake was named "Speedy" by the 4 yr old and me and M named the Lizard Charlie!
Sorry, didn't mean to be rude by calling you Tempi. The name seemed to fit your posting style so well... I can switch to MamaP, of course. (Temperance IS a nice name.)
Yeah for no more bugs in a spotless house! Hopefully you're done now & can enjoy your new toys. If those were for Valentine's somebody in my house will get an earfull later for his crummy flowers...
The Chinese Water Dragon is awesome. And maybe you can teach the snake to eat bugs? I'm glad that things are looking up for you.
@Kate you weren't being rude at all! How were you to know I just made up a name LOL. It's just funny hearing it now, especially since in a few months we'll be calling our lo that. :)
and I am HAPPY to hear someone who actually likes the name Temperance, the people around hubby and I really really dislike it :(, but we simply love it.
The gifts weren't for Valentine's LOL, for that I got a huge box of Whitman's chocolate and Breaking Dawn pt 1 xD. The computer was just because he knew how much I've been drooling over a touch screen for years now. (Coincidentally enough, since JM got hers) The photoscanner was because I work so hard at home (um wow, he noticed?) and the Kindle was because he went over budget and bought himself 2 new handguns, didn't want me to get mad.
LOL @ the snake, That was one of the husbands first comments, hey it could eat the bugs! Hubby's grandma is convinced it's going to eat one of the babies
On a side note, if anyone has been following MWOP apparently Barb wrote a 23 page letter to the court. Could you imagine if you were the judge and received that? Insanity.
I'm trying to catch up on everything around here today...MamaP and Pamala, I'll tell y'all what I figured out, not that it's a huge deal, I guess, if you email me. It's anemonepie at yahoo. For the record, unless you've been actively participating here lately or we're FB friends, don't bother asking me. If I was going to tell just anyone, I'd say it here. Sorry, but that's how it is on this one.
Hey, is there a link to Barbara's 23 page letter so we can read it all? I feel brain-dead and can't seem to find it, if so. I found, on her FB, the pics of the bound binders...why does she have alphabetized tabs on each one?
D, I'm shocked at that article...and this? THIS? "when a state agent who was inspecting lunch boxes" boggles my mind. State agents inspecting lunch boxes? Really? Do people realize that's only a step away from them inspecting our shopping carts and barging in at dinner to inspect our plates? I'm horrified by this...this is America and quite frankly, if we want to feed our kids junk, that should be our prerogative. State agents inspecting lunch boxes, my ass. Christ almighty.
And Barbara's divorce documents? Really? That pertains to all this, how?
Oh, and Pamala, I had a sneaking suspicion the email from from you when it said "Pamala", lol!
Actually if I was reading correctly Barb actually posted her divorce documents originally in an effort to prove something about being able to write court documents I guess.
But seeing as she was banned and I guess all her comments thus deleted, you wouldn't realize that unless you were a freak like me and read a bunch of the comments.
So to be fair I think Barb thought posting those docs or at least the appeals doc would help her out in some manner or scare them because she thinks she can write well or something.
I'd be afraid if my child's lunch was gone through. See sugar is my daughter's best friend, and she gets a lot of it. She's also very picky. So I put in there what she will eat because not eating is bad. Luckily my daughter goes to private school and they just don't care.
On a side note, check out the pictures of the home JM is in. I still think she's living with her parents but if not she's fucking lucky. I can't even rent a place and I work full-time.
Yes, I am also baffled by that! How did they know that turkey and cheese wasn't a vegan alternative? Or if she was allergic to ingredients in the chicken nuggets? I would say the lunch her mom packed was sufficient. How much food can a child eat? The chips aren't the best choice, but as a parent you reserve that right. It might have been a treat. Now if it were a lunch with chips, candy, fruit roll ups, gushers, etc- then yes that's not cool. Or if the child has very little or no lunch. I also love how they charged the mom after wards!
This is how I would expect a school to address this issue if they really felt the need to supplement a students lunch.
:::Ring ring::: "Hello, Mrs.D?" "Yes, this is she." "This is the lunch lady at 123 School and we wanted to make sure it was ok to give your child some extra food which includes XYZ?"
That's all they had to do. I also think it's hypocritical that they say the mother isn't packing a healthy lunch and turn around and give the daughter chicken nuggets! My son eats them (ones from the store not MckDonalds), but I am not saying they are healthy!
Shit, when my kid went to elementary school, I gave him anything he wanted since any food beats no food, like you said. He often bought lunch, like on pizza bread days, but all he'd eat was the pizza bread. The rest usually got tossed and I knew it. I don't care what they put on trays and call "nutritious" because until they force-feed kids, it's useless.
I'm thinking that even if Jennifer isn't living with her folks, that could still be their kitchen. The idea of taking pics of your kids in your mom's kitchen isn't odd or anything. Or, it could be hers...I've always said it's a matter of time until a sheeple offers her a place to live. It won't last.
Yeah she seems to think so. And from what I gathered she may have listed damn near every user name on MWOP (thank God I haven't been able to post there in a while) as well.
I'm not sure what they're thinking in regards to these letters. Posting that there are mean people on the internet won't negate the fact that she omitted stuff.
The judge isn't going to go and decide to okay the bankruptcy because she gets support letters telling the judge to ignore the meanies. LOL!
I really hope she did send in a letter though, cause I want to read it.
Eh I decided to delete that comment. LOL! I'm going home now. We'll see what tomorrow brings.
Although I have a question, won't JM's new address be listed on court docs in the future? I'm guessing she won't be able to hide her address for very long.
and I would be pissed if the school fed my kid something other than what I packed! If I'm packing my child's lunch, then I want my child to eat that food! gah
"Shit, when my kid went to elementary school, I gave him anything he wanted since any food beats no food, like you said. He often bought lunch, like on pizza bread days, but all he'd eat was the pizza bread. The rest usually got tossed and I knew it. I don't care what they put on trays and call "nutritious" because until they force-feed kids, it's useless."
^^ That's me right now with my 4yr old. He isn't eating anything, so right now I will literally give him anything if he will just eat. Even if its just bread, or a corn dog if he'll eat, I will let him eat it!
Exactly. I admit I'm jealous of JM. She always seems to land on her feet. And that makes me angry because I work my ass off and have little to show for it.
My mom says that it's because I don't lie, cheat, etc. That I do the right thing, and sometimes that means the good people "suffer" while the bad prosper.
@D Miller, I wish my 4 yr old would eat. It's such a struggle. Plus he's underweight so that doesn't help matters much anyhow.
@Pamala, that's what my husband says to me when I started complaining about people around us, like some family who get everything for free, don't pay childcare, receive government aid, yet don't appreciate anything and brag about selling their foodstamps or wic. :sigh:
The complaining about the appliances and counters were part of my reply that was eaten...you know, I'd love to have that stuff. I've got stock Lowe's cabinets and Wilsonart counters, along with an 18 year old fridge. I see that kitchen and start to get aggravated and even a little jealous if it's hers, but then I stop and realize the odds of it really being *hers are remote. Mine stuff *is mine and no one can take it away from me and I like that security. Plus, I got it honestly. In the end, if I really had to choose, I'd truly pick my kitchen over one like that that's rented or paid for by someone else or just loaned to me out of pity. Plus, it's all the more proof she really hasn't changed a bit, despite what all she's lost.
Pamala, does she really land on her feet, or does it just look that way materially? She's lost her husband and if she ever wanted to remarry, what kind of man would want her peculiar brand of trainwreck coupled with 5 kids? She would have a hard time ever finding a decent job now, it will be years before she has any real kind of financial independence and, in the meantime, she's a leech on society. She just spins and photographs to make it looks better than it is. She has next to no privacy and boy, is she going to have trouble with those kids as they get older and all this shit on the internet is found out by friends and friends' families. You're better off being you, trust me.
Mama P, I also was telling you I love the name Temperance. The old-fashioned names are just so pretty and, imo, it's a good choice. :-)
@ D Miller, haha if I told my son that, he'd hand his plate over and so here you go. I've already conceded that all of my kids will probably be taller than me by the time their 9. I am 4'10 with shoes on, the hubby is 6'4 without shoes!
He is 3ft 3 and 34lbs. So he's not underweight by much, but I still wish he'd eat more!
@Lisa & Pamala, whenever I feel envious of how "nice" the things JM gets, I remind myself that'd I'd take my not so fancy things over hers any day. I would never want to be in her shoes. Sure, my husband and I bitch at each other from time to time, but we love each other, and we love our little munckins. We don't have a ton of fancy things but we have each other and that makes us happy!
and Lisa, we love the name Temperance, and it falls into line with our other kids names. I'm like old fashioned names myself :)
I was secretely wondering about that (going well with the other names). Nothing worse than changing track halfway through your offspring...
Like Tim, Tom, Anna and Temperance Smith.
A friend of mine has 4 as well and on the 2nd out of 3 boys she went Scandinavian + old-fashioned whereas the rest are more like JM's names. So now they're like Duncan, Lotte, Arne Godfrey, Darren. Wtf?
Add me to the list of mom's who's tiny kid just doesn't care about eating. It's so frustrating, but at least he makes up for it by being hilarious.
I'd be jealous of Jen and her house but truth is it's all for the pictures and we know it. I'd sooner live in a cardboard box with my husband and son than live her life.
Damn...that woman is certifiable. I mean, really, truly mentally ill, isn't she? In the end, this isn't about the McKinneys at all with her...it's about her own court drama, how she felt and she's put the McKinneys in her place in her own head. I do believe I may have finally found my first ever online person I think could possibly be dangerous. :-/
Kate, no, it was stupid as hell unless they've all made up some names to use and none are real. My mouth is still hanging open...what's with the pictures of JM's kids? And no, none of it will matter a bit, except to maybe scare the judge.
I always miss the fun and sadly can't access facebook here at work so I'm going to have to wait, unless someone wants to download it and email it to me! PLEASE!!
well, my comment still stands and you know, while I admit to intending it to dig some, it's still the truth...why would you send your kindergartener boy to school with nail polish on, especially when they are new to school and will be trying to fit in? And not even a fun color a boy could get by with like black or green but what appears to be a pale, frosty pink or lavender. Kids can be very ugly and it can start early...does she *want her kid to get called a faggot? I can't imagine she does, so why in the world would she do this? It should be okay for boys to do these things, nail polish or pigtails, but we all know what the actuality usually is. :-/
I dreamed about Barbara's stupid book...argh. Question for y'all, if nervous of her at all? I have to admit, if I had young kids, I would be and would be *very worried about ever crossing her and making her mad.
My personal opinion is this..... I think Barb is bored. I think she dreams of being a lawyer and thinks she probably could of been one at some point in her younger life. For some reason I envision her thinking she could be the next "Erin Brokervich" (spelling?) and be the first to take down a website that "Bullies & destroys" a "young moms" family in court. She probably thinks or hopes? that this could be the start of a new bill that will be created to halt cyber bullying............. Or maybe she's just crazy. :P
I think JM has to be worried about BM. I mean seriously it may seem like BM has nothing but great intentions but all it takes is for someone to be too obsessed, to believe they are in fact a good friend or part of their life, to just be delusional. I haven't read the document, but my sister managed to pull up the photos and seriously I thought it was a joke, it couldn't possibly be that wrong. WTH is wrong with people?
Hm. I'd agree with Darcy 100%. If it wasn't for BMM having a phase of being very... snippy... towards JM not too long ago. Very atypical. Made me think she's pissed somehow. She also created one of her MWoP profiles and was openly badmouthing JM during that time. And she appeared almost cruel.
That seemed like a deranged person to me. JM asked her to email her shortly after & BMM went back to be the great defender.
The screenshot collection doesn't scare me. Haven't read it, but I'd wager it wouldn't take me more than half a day to put that together. Probably beats sudoku and dog hair crafts.
"I liked her well enough. from there, I've only heard stories, lol." We're either remembering things very differently or we're looking at different people. Hm.
"It should be okay for boys to do these things, nail polish or pigtails, but we all know what the actuality usually is. :-/"
I must say, I was kinda surprised by your facebook comment yesterday. This plays into my 2 only fears in child raising and now I'm bummed out that this is your point of view. Need to go check what your book recommendation is about...
After reading Mck since Stellan days, and being annoyed by her since my first read, participating in OHIO and all MWOP's, I am finally so bored by it all. I used to find it entertaining in a train wreck/soap opera kind of way, because I never felt any real investment in her, but now her shit is such a mess, I don't even want to look. Also, I get tired off all the sanctimonious bull shit posted on MWOP and BWOP. Everyone seems to be an authority on everything at those 2 places. I can't even bring myself to care about Barb and her manifesto. Not that anyone cares, just thought I'd get that off my chest. Julia
And by investment, I mean emotional, or whatever the MWOPers always complain about. I never sent anyone any money. I did offer her my old Blackberry when she was whining about her cell phone dying while Stellan was hospitalized, but little did I know, she was already gifted a brand spanking new Iphone. Julia
Kate, why were you surprised by what I said yesterday? What bummed you out? While I admittedly snarked it up a tad, I still meant what I said. You've confused me, I'm sorry. :-/
Julia, I'm not all the way with you but I'm getting there. I've been busy all afternoon and evening and while I wanted to come see what y'all were talking about here, I find myself just not so interested at all in JM or MWOP. I think it's finally starting to sink into my hard head that nothing will ever really change. Barb's manifesto was interesting but even that has already worn thin.
"We're either remembering things very differently or we're looking at different people. Hm."
I don't think so...I just missed all the drama on MWOP that involved her. My memories are solely from OHIH and maybe I missed some big stuff then, btu I don't think so and liked her well enough at that point. I just can't say one way or another later since I don't know that history.
Sorry, re-reading my comment from yesterday I think I deleted some words or something. Didn't mean to sound so cryptic.
I was/am bummed about your advice on JM's facebook regarding the nailpolish. Maybe I've read it wrong, but it sounded to me as if you're asking her to reconsider sending the kid to school like that. But maybe you're only reminding her to be prepared in case the kid runs into some cruelty from his peers. Anyway, I've read up on the book you recommended and I will definitely keep my eye out for it.
"I just can't say one way or another later since I don't know that history." Yeah, I wasn't trying to re-hash some MWoP history there. Just saying that it appeared to be a 'real' name friend list. That they used to contact BMM. Now what's the point in this other than to create drama? And stupid to boot.
Everyone is welcome! The only real rules here are no spamming shit and no posting personal addresses, phone numbers or other similar info. I don't need that kind of stress. That's it, although it could change if someone gets creative or something. If you don't like what is said here, you can: 1) Say so; 2) Hold it in and stew on it; 3. Address it privately to the person who said it; 4) Snark about it to your friends; 5) Leave. Don't bother me with it, I don't care and I won't get involved. I might, however, talk about you behind your back or post your email/message to me on here. *grins*
Them's the rules...all of them.
Have fun!
140 comments:
I LOVE that sermon! Wish I had some of that growing up. In the spirit of the Sermon....
F-U Daisies!
:::readjusting my half slip and pantyhose::: Lawd, that felt good to say!
Dat's effin crazy :)
"That all said, *damn! I want to play on those mattresses!"
Please don't bring the bedbugs here. That's why I like this place. Smart people and no vermin.
Chuck Im gonna go get some brand spanking new mattresses because we *need to have some serious fun like that. Did it all the time as a kid but then you have to give it up cuz it tends to hurt LOL
I approve of new mattresses. I am putting on my helmet now.
Never stair-surfed. Did run maniacally up stairs two or three at a time, then down two or three at a time, to sock-surf across the tile floor :D
What did the stairs contribute to the sock-surfing? I have no idea, but that's what we did.
I never stair surfed, however when I was in the Army we would mattress surf through the bay! It was fun!
My grandma's old farm house had steep, steep narrow stairs. I would belt a pillow to my scrawny arse and fly down the stairs. I thought I was the most clever, adventurous thing in the world....until my Aunt spilled that she and my mom did the same things as kids. Sigh.
I grew up deprived...we had a carpeted, one-story house and my only real adventure on stairs involved falling down a flight of them at my mamaw's house. She rubbed butter on my head, told me I was fine and sent me out to play. I'd totally mattress surf now and I'd even do it on JM's mattresses since I suspect bugs aren't anything that's needed to be worried about for awhile now...if ever.
Y'all reading her FB tonight? A supposed friend of Israel's is there...interesting. And I want to slap her and a few of her readers, her for saying way too much publicly and one reader in particular for telling her she should have her kids pray for Daddy to come home. Yeah, that's brilliant. Way to screw the kids up, right there. @@
Oh, well, she just deleted the posts from Israel's "friend", who said she's not telling people she moved the kids 4 hours away from him and he has no phone now. Well, that and he's got a good attorney and they're watching her blog and FB. But this shit is still there and just kills me:
"Terri Manley Cote I agree...pray with them for daddy and for each other out loud so they can hear you asking God for Daddy to come back."
She better watch her ass...stuff like this flies poorly in court.
I do have to ask, what was she supposed to do? She's obviously living with her parents. He makes next to nothing money wise, how was he going to support two households?
You know when my ex and I finally split he moved about 3 hours away to be with his mother. But you know what he did (once he was sober) he drove his ass out to see the kids weekly.
I sympathize a bit with the situation and of course I don't know it all but I find stupid excuses like that to be just that, stupid. A prepaid phone is like 20 bucks, something you can use to call the kids.
You make sacrafices to see kids, you don't bitch and whine about how they've moved away when frankly I don't see what else they could have done. What would he have had them do?
She can't get a job because she has 4 kids who are not school age and would need daycare and we all know she couldn't afford that.
You know something weird. My oldest never askes where Daddy is. I don't know why. She never has. So I find it odd that they're asking although I do think for a long time that IM was their primary caregiver so it might be because of that. But you know what you tell them, simply that daddy loves them. That's it.
By the way, just because I'm cynical, how do we know that was a friend of his as well? And where is he getting money for a good attorney? LOL!
Missed yesterday, but I don't think that the info about IM helped. Quite the opposite. It confirmed that he has done nothing so far to re-assure those kiddos that daddy is not leaving THEM.
Not organizing a phone for himself but getting a lawyer? To watch her online activity? Ridiculous. He won't prove parental alienation that way, but waste money on the lawyer's billing hours.
There is really no excuse for not even calling them, IMO. He doesn't want to talk to her? Very mature, but get somebody to ask her to put the kids on the phone until things calm down enough.
And I don't see the big screwup of the kids by having them pray for daddy's return.
I know that's what I did. I was raised by a fundie mother and an atheist father. The understanding that "Jesus had to move his heart" was something that gave me hope for years. Neither of them stopped me and my dad humored me by having a 30 min bible study every visit. Seriously, it cushioned the blow for me until I was old enough to understand they're better off without each other and the reconciliation will never happen.
Oh, I agree that her best bet for earning a living right now is blogging...she can't begin to make that kind of money at Target or wherever and really, that's all she's qualified to do anymore besides blogging. She just needs to be super, super careful what she puts out there now, or allows to remain there, about the kids and Israel. He absolutely can request in court that the kids never be mentioned or shown on her blog and odds are strong that would be granted. If that happens, her blog is screwed so she'd be wise to not put anything out there to aggravate him right now.
As for $20 for a prepaid phone, he simply may not have it. Seriously. Or, alternately, he may have done just that and that $20 prepayment has to last him a week. For all we know, he *is calling the kids but can't afford to every single night or for the length of time everyone would like. And same with the car, he truly might not be able to afford more and stressing an already unreliable car could put him in a world of hurt if it dies...as in no job. He just can't take that risk. Sometimes, it simply cannot be done and what we don't know is how much he *is contacting them, the implication is "not at all" and yet, we don't know that.
As for her moving away, we don't know for a fact she's in her parents' home yet. I, too, suspect she is but we just don't know. I *do know one thing...she can make enough blogging that she could, in short order, afford a place closer to Israel. And that, imo, is *exactly what she should do as soon as the school year ends. But again, she needs to be cautious...she's self-employed at home. A judge can *order her to move those kids back close to their dad.
Also, there are a lot of attorneys who will take interesting cases on for reduced costs, if not free, outside of filing fees. There are some, too, who are huge fathers' rights advocates who will do the same. Annnnd, some will let you barter services. My own let me do a load of research for him and fill in for his receptionist when she was out in exchange for some services.
"You know something weird. My oldest never askes where Daddy is. I don't know why. She never has."
That is strange. How old is she? Maybe she honestly isn't bothered by it?
"And I don't see the big screwup of the kids by having them pray for daddy's return."
The way it seems to me is that when it doesn't work and Daddy doesn't reconcile with Mommy, the kids are left with the messages that maybe they didn't pray hard enough, or God doesn't think they're good enough to have their daddy return, or that God is just mean...a negative message, you know? Alternately, it seems it could send a message that Daddy is ignoring God and that's a bad message to send a kid, too. One that isn't accurate. I'm truly glad it worked for you, Kate, and believe it did, but I do wonder if you're a bit of an exception in that.
I forgot to add, I actually don't think that person was a friend of Israel's, I think it was probably someone from MWOP trying to stir stuff up.
Lisa,
I missed the friend's post yesterday, so I was going by your own description.
Had IM been calling his kids until the pre-paid phone went out, etc. wouldn't the friend have mentioned that as well? First thing?
Sorry, but saying JM omits the important info that IM doesn't have a phone makes it sounds as if he actually hasn't managed to set up lines of communication (yet).
Anyway, that's why I said the friend made it worse.
Lisa,
Yeah, it depends on how that message it put out there, I guess.
My mom made it clear that ultimately it's in God's hands, but that God appreciates to be asked.
There was definitely no promise of 'if you do it right, it WILL come true.'
I'd always assumed that all parents instill into their offspring that God's not a genie. Just that you can ask him for anything and He will weigh the requests in his Godly wisdom.
For me that worked perfectly. It took away a lot of helplessness in this situation, because it felt that what little could be done... I was actively contributing. Very different as if I'd simply been told: Que sera, sera. Wait and see.
Oh, just saw your comment regarding the validity of that friend. Yeah, makes sense.
So they confabulated "IM has no phone" from Roobii's info "IM can't be reached via phone" and ran with it as usual.
:: Facepalm ::
Kate, done as your mom did, I can see now, since you've explained more, how it could have helped, yes. Sadly, not everyone does explain that God isn't a genie and so for that woman to just suggest she have the kids pray for him to come home struck me as a very, very bad idea. To suggest your kids pray fin the manner you did doesn't seem nearly so worrisome to me.
And I'm sorry, I wasn't specific enough when I mentioned about the friend of Israel's posting. No, it easily could have been a trouble-maker stirring stuff up but it was still interesting to see someone even trying to bring up the possible "other" side. I do find it incredibly interesting that she never has said specifically that he never calls, has had no contact, etc. She hints at it, but avoids saying it and never answers questions when people ask for more specifics. That leads me to believe he *is contacting the kids as much as he can and it's simply not enough to make up his actual presence to the kids, which is completely understandable on their part. In fact, hearing his voice and not being able to see him could make it worse...I know it always was a lot harder on Jake after he'd talked to his dad. It made him miss his dad a *lot more.
I feel like the devil's advocate anymore LOL
I hate that the kids are going through this because he was their main caregiver for so long and now he is just gone.
We dont know what happened to cause this separation. We dont know where she moved and where that is in relation to where he is. We dont know the circumstances regarding communication. All any of us out here can do is speculate. For all we know she did a fly by night kind of disappearing act and wont let him see the kids. I mean we just dont know. We have one side of the story and you cant really get facts from that no matter how hard you try.
Age is a huge factor in that, non? How old was Jake when you separated?
Well, it would be a first for JM to answer something outright, eh? That doesn't really mean anything one way or the other. She could be avoiding to lie and just hint at stuff to make him look worse. But just as well she could be saving a grand total of his sins towards his kids for a later date. Both methods are status quo for her communication style.
Kate, he was 9 but starting when he was about 3, his dad was gone for weeks and sometimes months at a stretch for work. It was bad then but he eventually adjusted to that just being how life was and was fine. Then, when I told his dad I wanted a divorce, his dad tried to become super dad. He stopped the traveling, tried to keep Jake glued to him (which meant away from me) and tried to rebuild the bond. The he stopped again and got all erratic, causing the same thing to happen all over...it was hard for Jake to talk to him and not see him. Thinking back, it was definitely worse when Jake was really young, though.
Shannon, I agree. We can piece a lot together but we really don't know for a fact. Here's what I'm wondering - why, if he has no phone or uses prepaid, is he no longer on the family cell phone plan? To call the kids regularly, like every day or every other day, and talk to them all would cost a fortune and it seems even his half of the bill on an iPhone with unlimited stuff that we know she still has would be cheaper (or as cheap, anyway) than prepaid. No? So, correct me if I'm missing something here, but wouldn't that mean either he *did walk away from it all, including the kids (which I doubt but I could be wrong), leaving his iPhone behind or that phone plan was in her name and she canceled his phone. Am I looking at this all wrong?
Not looking at it wrong at all that is how I am looking at it as well. And really prepaid phones are crazy when it comes to cost on minutes talking. I kind of hate it that there are such glaring holes in it all and then all anyone can do is speculate to try to fill those holes with something. And really I get that she wants privacy through all of this, it is understandable, but why share some things that lead to the speculation unless that is what you really want?
Shannon,
Well, we don't know a lot, but it's still more than just one side of the story.
I tend to believe Anja's and Roobii's sources, even if Roobii says that JM could be planting wrong stories.
But according to their info IM & JM planned that separation for some time.
- JM is not living with her parents
- JM is renting a house that she got either from or with help from one of her online friends
- IM can't be reached via phone
- IM is still near the farm / his new workplace with somebody he works/worked with
- JM moved near her parents
If JM cancelled it, if he disconnected it on purpose, Roobii doesn't know. Just that none of their mutual acquaintances has been able to get in touch with him.
And somebody mentioned that on updated court documents in the rent escrow case IM & JM both now have an address in WI. In that case there is no 'JM took the kids across state lines'.
Lisa,
Thanks for elaborating. I always feel deeply sorry for what you & your kid had to go through. Especially this latest detail, Jake's dad crashing in and out of Jake's life like that.
IMO it's not necessarily worse when kids are younger, it's a different confusion and pain.
On one hand little kids adept more easily, they accept that things are what they are. But as they can't quite understand what's going on (and are being kept in the dark more, because parents want to shelter them) they might develop anxiety, distrust, etc.
Older kids understand more but are also more likely to reflect stuff on themselves, I think.
Kate, thanks, but we're good and far wiser for it all. As in the McK's case, both Jake's dad and I were to blame for different things, although his was worse (no, really, it was). I was incredibly blessed to find a wonderful counselor who was supposed to be for Jake, but since my son isn't exactly a sharer, lol, wound up giving me the best parenting advice *ever* for helping him be okay with everything. His dad owes over $15K is back child support and is pretty much absent, still...they see each other maybe once a year, talk on the phone maybe 4 times a year and yet Jake knows beyond any doubt that his dad loves him. And his dad *does love him...he's a good, decent man with a whole lot of mental and substance abuse issues that overwhelm him and control his life and actions. Were it not for this counselor helping me to see this, see the reality of the situation, the message I sent to Jake would have been far different, I'm afraid. Very bitter. The best advice I could ever give JM is to find a good, non-religious family counselor (Jake's actually taught the court-ordered "Children And Divorce" classes for our county, as well) for both her and her kids and go, go, go for a long time.
I do tend to believe Roobii and Anja's sources, too, as far as that can go. But are they being given accurate info? Possibly not. Also, Israel might have gotten rid of his phone if people were calling him non-stop and harassing the shit out of him for leaving, you know? That's just it - we don't know.
Before it gets deleted, this is interesting...this guy appears real, by the way.
Adam Warhol Someone that knows you both personally knows the truth. He didn't leave you, you guys both agreed to take a break. He is working at a location hours away from you and *wants* to see the kids but it isn't logistically possible from where he works and where you are staying. You are the only one with transportation that fits all the kids so perhaps YOU should bring them to visit him, since he can't come get them and you know it.
33 minutes ago · Like · 2
Adam Warhol Also, he left because you won't put your family before social media.
Now THAT sounds like an MWoP plant. It sums up their common opinion perfectly.
I agree that we don't know. Nobody knows, not even Roobii. I wouldn't put it past her to have collected his family plan phone.
But I agree with Pamala, if he really wanted to visit the kids, he WOULD find a way to make it happen. No matter how unreliable his car is. It's early days, so they don't need overnight plans just yet. But not making a single visit in 2 weeks is ... astonishing.
I don't think the guy was a plant. He's from WI, had a picture up and a ton of friends you could see. It wasn't a new FB page and all info fit, you know? His comments are gone now, anyway.
And before we're too quick to blame Israel for not visiting (which we don't know he hasn't, but I'll assume he hasn't), what if he works every day? Many people who work 2 jobs work 7 days a week. That alone would cause him to be unable to make an 8 hour round trip plus time to visit during reasonable hours. If he's driving that old junker they bought, the one that broke down immediately, remember, well, making that kind of trip in that car is a bad move. I'd not risk it, not even to see my kids, because while they needed to see me, they also need me to be able to get to and from work, too. Notice she's never once said he's not giving her any money for them? My guess he's working and between trying to live himself and giving all he can to take care of the kids, losing a job is the last thing he needs to have happen. But okay, let's say he makes the trip...he can't take the kids anywhere since they won't fit in his car. So, now what? He sits in her new place with them? With her right there in the room? I don't believe for a moment she'd not make it all about herself and insist on using that time to harp on him about coming back instead of letting him have uninterrupted time with the kids. That's a situation right there that could and would compound the stress on those kids to an incredible degree. Or, alternately, she could simply not allow him to come in after he made the trip. it's just not so easy to say if he wanted to see them, he would have or could...not necessarily.
I do have to say I posted very little about my divorce/separation and I can't remember (nor am I willing to read it again) if I really ever said anything insanely bad about my ex. I've always been concerned about his ability to get a job. LOL! I like my child support.
That being said, I'm not sure why my oldest doesn't ask about him. She's 5. But we've been doing the separation/divorce thing since she was 3 so maybe she doesn't know any better?
Apparently I didn't finish my thought. LOL! Hey I'm trying to work here too.
But I don't remember posting anything "bad" on my blog other than I was pissed off at the situation and didn't understand why things were happening. On Facebook all 50 of my friends got to hear some of the bad but that was 50 of my friends and I don't have a public page.
I am finding her tweeting and facebooking to be a bit disturbing. There are just some things you should keep to yourself. Write about your anger, your hurt, your loneliness, fine. But to bitch about your soon to be ex, seems counterproductive.
Well, after some nice lady said she was disappointed the mutual friends remarks were removed, I see the Admin. stepped in and removed hers, too, and issued a little hand slap. *eyeroll*
Pamala, maybe, since she's so young, she's put it in the past and adjusted faster? I'm not sure...it's good that she can do it and not be upset by it, though. I'm with you about child support...my ex owes me around $16K and people ask why I never fought to have him jailed. Well, shit, then he *really couldn't pay, could he?
Dunno, 'putting your family before social media' sounds like MWoP 101.
And very contradictory to how Roobii perceived IM.
BWoP meanwhile has dug up his wife and her name does sound awfully familiar. Definitely a name that has come up on MWoP or facebook before.
It's all speculation at this point. But interesting to watch.
Aww you mean I have to go to BWOP now. :(
Lisa,
Didn't mean to ignore your other post. I'm currently multitasking & was only replying to the quick-answer stuff first.
I believe you when you say 'his was far worse'. Just like I believe the saying 'in the breakdown of a marriage both parties are always (equally) to blame' is utter bullshit.
I've seen wives put up with way more than I'd take, and ultimately being completely blindsided by a cheating husband, no detectable fault there. And I've seen women turn into child-centered witches that make me wonder why the husbands still come home at all.
I'm glad you've come out on top and had a great conselor. Still sounds sad to me that Jake doesn't have a better bond though. He is still quite young, IMO. All grown up, sure, as you are at 20? 19?, but still...
Non-religeous counseling is the way to go, I fully agree. For the fact alone that churches will mostly push for preservation of the marriage, no matter what might be in the best interest of everybody involved.
Maybe I'm making a lot of enemies now, but 16k? That's not too bad, huh? Don't get me wrong, if I could get my hands on some 16k or not, I'd take it. But in the overall scheme of things, that sounds as if he either only had to pay $200 a month or missed occassionally but not always.
Pamala,
Sorry, didn't mean to do that to you.
Personally I don't feel comfortable to name actual names, so I left out the real info.
And it just felt ridiculous to copy BWoP over here, after they copied what MWoP copied from JM's facebook. If that still makes any sense to anybody...
I went to BWOP...lordy, lol. I figured Jennifer Price-Warhol was Adam's wife but didn't recognize the name from MWOP. And I wish people would not be ugly to Dawn (Taylor's mom) on BWOP. I know her (not personally, but from these blogs for a few years) and she's a terrific person. I don't care for her support of JM, but she's still just an awesome woman and is entitled to her opinion like everyone else.
Lisa,
Overall there were more nice comments to Dawn than ugly ones. She seems as if she can deal with it. To me anyway.
I do recognize that name. And I've seen her mug before. Don't remember the context, but I'm guessing she was active on JM's facebook before or used to link her RL data to her MWoP profile.
Recognize JP-W, not Dawn, of course.
Kate, in my marriage, I took a lot of crap and abuse for a lot of years. I lived in fear for many years and even when he was gone, I was still scared of him. I know *now that drugs played a huge part in his behavior but I was stupid and all wrapped up in my own pity party to see what he was doing, I guess. The fact is, though, I didn't see it. Add that all into the fact that, despite loving him (still do), I really should have never married him (or any man) and we both were to blame in things. My solution to the whole mess was to have an affair, which was only my fault and morally, a nasty thing to do. It did, however, save my life and gave me the courage to see how both Jake and I deserved better. His solution was to amp his drug use up to crack cocaine, take up with a crack whore (he's married to her now), and put Jake into incredibly dangerous situations, leading to a heck of a lot of law enforcement, criminal and social services involvement in our lives for awhile. I still say his bad trumps mine. *nods*
Child support? $16K is a lot of money to me and to Jake, but no, it's not a lot in the grand scheme of life. He was ordered to pay around $200 a month because he hid a load of income that I couldn't prove he had.
Kate,
"Just like I believe the saying 'in the breakdown of a marriage both parties are always (equally) to blame' is utter bullshit."
I do believe this kind of stuff too because yes it does happen but I think that when both parties are aware of the issues then it takes that and makes it both. I mean if one is cheating on the other but comes clean well now the non cheating spouse can make the decision to forgive and work on the marriage or to walk away. Once you know what you are dealing with and make the choice to work to fix the situation then you are equally as responsible.
Also in that line of thinking if both people agree to resolve the issues and the non cheating spouse is doing everything in their power to address their own faults in an attempt to be better then good. If the cheating spouse however puts on a show that they are working to correct their own faults but are still out sneaking around...well then it is no longer both people working on the relationship.
JM is a Blogger and mobile. She can Tweet and Blog anywhere. IM is apparently holding down two jobs. Hmm...the responsible parent thing to do in a situation like theirs is for JM to take the kids to see their dad.
Not all moms believe in God. Just putting that out there.
Shannon,
I totally agree with you that both parties are responsible for a marriage. Equally. And both parties have to work on it, for it to make it last.
But otherwise I'm not sure if we are saying the same thing in different words or different things.
If the cheater came clean and the spouse has decided to stay they're still equally responsible, IMO, of course. No free ticket for the non-cheater to be beyond reproach from there on out.
Maybe my message to Lisa was not clear. I fully believe that in some cases one spouse is really to blame for the breakdown of a marriage. Maybe the cheating was not a good example.
My best friend is married to a terrible bore that I wouldn't take if he came with a palace and private jet. Still, they had phases where I found myself completely on his side and was secretely afraid he's leave. Totally one-sided blame. I would even have understood if he HAD cheated.
"Also in that line of thinking if both people agree to resolve the issues and the non cheating spouse is doing everything in their power to address their own faults in an attempt to be better then good."
The question there for me is, does that ever work? In those cases where one spouse cheats because of reason xyz in the other spouse, isn't it usually too late then?
I have to think about that, because off the top of my head I'd say I don't know anybody who cheated once because of behavior of their partner and then they went back to normal.
I know people who cheated because they could. And people who really needed somebody better for a change. Which helped them to see the light & leave for good. Kind of how I understand Lisa's past.
Lisa,
Not sure if what I was trying to say came out right.
I totally DO believe you that your part was of 'lesser blame'. And I do NOT believe that it's always equal blame. Equal responsibility, yes.
But it's totally possible that only one person screws up royally.
"My solution to the whole mess was to have an affair, which was only my fault and morally, a nasty thing to do."
See, I only partly agree with that. Morally wrong, yes, maybe, I don't know. That's not a black and white area for me. If a marriage has deteriorated to the point where one spouse is completely abandoned, is it still actually cheating on somebody?
Also, I'm not convinced that you had the affair in order to fullfill some 'physical lust', but rather in need of humanly love & warmth. There's a big difference between a cad looking for strange because wifey bores him a little and what you describe.
And ulitmately, I'm only admitting this here though, I wouldn't consider a one time cheating the end of the world. Emotional neglect that lasts for years is way worse in my book.
Of course I don't tell my husband. I tell him that I have a .22 and a shovel.
Kaytie,
You're right. Only, we don't know that they have any communication going at the moment. If JM can't get hold of him she'd have a hard time bringing the kids over.
I'm positive she knows where he works. She could get home of him there. Some work places won't let employees make long distance personal calls. NOT a fan of JM or IM. Just stating some ideas.
"If a marriage has deteriorated to the point where one spouse is completely abandoned, is it still actually cheating on somebody?"
It is in my book. It wasn't so much the legal thing at all; I don't lay much stock in legal marriage. It was the fact I didn't go to him first and tell him I was done and wished to have a relationship with another person. It was the dishonesty. I had the option of doing things in the right order and *chose not to and it is truly my biggest regret in life, how I handled that. Yet, I understand I had to do it that way in order to get the strength back to get out. The guilt I'll always have is the price I paid to be free and it was worth it, but it was still wrong and there is still a price to pay. I am proof that the old saying "once a cheater, always a cheater" is untrue, though. Never, *ever would I do it again. Ev-er. And, I've sincerely apologized to my ex-husband, as well. I'm awfully glad we are no longer married but hate how I behaved to end it. I had reasons but there's just no excuse, you know?
"Also, I'm not convinced that you had the affair in order to fullfill some 'physical lust', but rather in need of humanly love & warmth."
Oh, absolutely. That's 100% what it was about...he'd sucked every ounce of my self-esteem and worth out, and I'd let him do it. She gave it back to me. It did help that she was super cute, though. ;-)
How long have you been married, Kate? I'd guess quite awhile, based on your comments and a gut feeling. I hope so, as I love hearing about long marriages!
Lisa,
"It was the fact I didn't go to him first and tell him I was done and wished to have a relationship with another person. It was the dishonesty."
Ok, I understand that. Not sure that I could do that (being dishonest) either. So far, I'm always confessing as soon as I realize I have a slight work-crush on someone. Happens to me a lot. I'm not acting on it, but the 'spring in the step' is there and it's not caused by the man at home. Occassonally. But then again, my 'confessing' happens in a stable, loving relationship and he's gotten used to it by now. (I hope.) KwIm? It's not a re-orienting myself out of desperation, more a fun thing out of boredom(?). I wouldn't put it past me to do the same thing as you did if motivated by despair.
Recognizing that it was the morally wrong thing to do excuses the whole thing completely in my book. It's not as if you're now saying: This is the way to go! If unhappy in a marriage, test the waters elsewhere, see if you could be happier!
You'll still get nothing but admiration from me.
Ok, when it comes to me, I'm a little paranoid about what to share on the internet. Don't take this the wrong way, please.
We've been together, off & on since we were both still in school. We actually got married way, way late. But last year we celebrated that we've known each other now longer than half our lifes. (We got together fairly quickly after we met.) Hope this gives you some idea & I'm not being a rude putz. After asking you the most personal questions everyday...
Kaytie,
Well, JM blogged yesterday that IM opted to not have a phone service. While I see your point with the work phone, I wouldn't do it either.
Being the better parent and trying everything to have the kids have a chat with dad is great in concept, no question. But my pride would kick in at that moment and not let me 'run after him' when he chooses to be unavailable. Ball's in his park, IMO.
Also, who knows if he wouldn't refuse to take my call & then I'd have the additional humiliation of being told by some receptionist that "he seems to be not in after all". No, thanks.
Yeah I'm like that with my kids dad. He typically calls daily but on the days that he forgets I sure as hell won't be calling him to track him down. That's up to him to make it a priority to call the kids, not me.
So that's why I find the excuses to be just that. Sure she has the better car to haul the kids around, well why does she have to drive to him? Because she moved? He could drive to them and take them to the park, etc. I assume he isn't taking them over night nor could he.
I know five hours is a long way to drive especially if he's not taking them overnight but imagine that's the same for her. And just because she's a blogger doesn't mean she's able to go out and about as easily as people think.
Anyhoot back to work.
Pamala,
I think you and I are pretty much on the same page when it comes to speculating about IM's behavior. I'm trying to see him 'through Lisa's eyes', but then Roobii described the same impression I had of him.
"Ok, when it comes to me, I'm a little paranoid about what to share on the internet. Don't take this the wrong way, please."
Not at all, it's fine! And really, you satisfied my curiosity well, because when a couple has known each other more than half their lives and can still stand to be together, well...that's long and huge and wonderful in my book. :-)
I like how she said Israel opted out opted out of phone service...we have to remember that this is the same woman who claimed they don't have TV when it turned out what they really didn't have was cable. So, "opted out of phone service" could easily mean he's using a line on a roommate's plan and the roommate's minutes are limited. It could mean he's on a prepaid plan and not a regular "service" plan. It could also mean he can't afford a phone at all, but since he didn't give up food or gas for cell service, he opted out. Of course, it could also mean he's seriously choosing to have no contact. Who knows? But I just wanted to point out the various things her version of "opting out" could mean.
Did y'all see that letter one of her supporters wrote on MWOP? My. God. I peed myself, reading that...it really stuns me how incredibly stupid people can be, you know?
And lastly, why the hell did she tell her kids their dad is *choosing to not call them, even if he is? Stupid bitch. Tell them he wants to but just can't afford a phone right now....damn. :-(
/headdesk
Jennifer really needs to be more a whooooooole lot careful with pictures. I was curious about something, since I feel like crap today and have nothing better to do...had noticed something in a picture on her blog and wanted to see if I could find out (weighing carefully what I say here) exactly where she was when she took the picture. It took me literally less than 5 minutes to do so and I'm about 98% certain I'm right. So, now I probably know something that really no stranger should know because she insists on pimping her family out. Jesus, she pisses me off.
I anonymously sent her a comment today. I understand her wanting to express how she's feeling but damnit on her blog is not the place to do it. I don't know if she's thinking she's invincible and that IM could never possibly get custody of the children, or even get full custody but odd things happen, and for her to chance that any of what she posts could be used against her is amazing to me. I mean indirect bad mouthing is bad mouthing and that doesn't fly with judges. They hate it actually. So it would actually be better if IM's friends kept their mouths shut. If they get divorced and have a custody battle I don't see it going well for her at all.
Now off to MWOP to see this letter, and then back to work.
OMFG! LOL!! I'm laughing so hard I'm crying. Whoever wrote that stupid ass letter is a moron and just gave the bankruptcy dude some additional reading. I mean yeah MWOP may seem to be weird but could you imagine if you were reading that letter? How could you not be laughing while reading it? The other letters sent in by MWOPers were very professional while whoever wrote that letter sounded like a child. Wow.
Pamala, reading the names of the posters in a letter sent to a judge was one of the best things I've read in a very long time! "NuttierThanSquirrelShit said..." Really?
What in the *world was that person thinking, too, sending the judge to MWOP? I almost...ALMOST...feel sorry for Jennifer over this one.
I know I was thinking imagine you're reading that, I imagine he'd be laughing because some of the names are clever. But yeah there was never any mention of MWOP in any of the previous corrispondence. And now there is, and now the judge or whoever can read through it if they want. One of her followers basically just opened the door for a lot of stuff to potentially go wrong.
It's just too bad.
Well, fuck a duck, what is this?!?
Has she lost her mind? Sending somebody to MWoP does not mean squirrelshit in itself. Because "why we are here" and then photoshopped eyebrows, bridesmaid dresses and red houses that may or may not have burnt down insufficiently are as useless as this letter.
But the tags 'finances', 'lies', 'manipulation' are somehow more portrudet in a screenshot than on MWoP.
She did have a tiny point with 'Anja's headstart'. I had wondered about that myself. The landlord's letter seems to have been leaked from the courthouse. But a different case in a different court.
Lisa,
Thanks for understanding.
Re: Wordsmithing of 'opting out of service':
yeah, but she'd still be outright lying when saying "We can’t call him, even if we wanted to." Not the same as spinning 'having a DVD screening device' into 'having no TV'.
Re:'choosing to not call them, even if he is?'
Yeah, stupid bitch is right. Why torture your kids for your insufferability?
And now I'm off to take a closer look at her recent photos. Because I need to see it too.
One wordsmithing thing I thought of could be, "he's choosing not to have phone service" as he left me, therefore he left his (ie, the phones are in her name and if he isn't with her he doesn't get his phone)
Does that make any sense? My head is killing me so I'm not sure if what I am saying makes any sense!
Also, I went back to look at recent photo's too! Trying to figure it out lol
"/headdesk
Jennifer really needs to be more a whooooooole lot careful with pictures. I was curious about something, since I feel like crap today and have nothing better to do...had noticed something in a picture on her blog and wanted to see if I could find out (weighing carefully what I say here) exactly where she was when she took the picture. It took me literally less than 5 minutes to do so and I'm about 98% certain I'm right. So, now I probably know something that really no stranger should know because she insists on pimping her family out. Jesus, she pisses me off. "
I think I read between the lines and figured out what you were referring too. Girlfriend needs to be more careful.
Tempi,
Good to see you! Any update on the bedbugs?
Your wordsmithing theory does make sense, same as what Lisa said. But again, then she's be lying by saying 'we can't call him even if we wanted'. If that's a lie, she might just skip the wordsmithing altogether and just say 'IM refuses to talk to any of us.'
Jill, I suspect you are right in what you figured out. Bad, bad business, right there, especially in court. And honestly, I'm not trying to be all cryptic...just protective while still talking about it.
MamaP! How are you feeling, other than the headache? And yep, I see what you're saying about possible wordsmithing. Much like if (and I'm saying IF as an example) she told him if he left her, she'd not let him see the kids. He went ahead and left her, therefore he's choosing to not see the kids, right? So, she says they're emailing, the two of them. Has she ever come right out and said he's had no contact with the kids in any form?
@Jill, I'm trying to figure it out! I'm curious
@Kate, I should probably confess Tempi isn't actually my name (it's Jamie). I created Tempi for the BWOP blog b/c I was afraid of people finding me and being nasty. I'm a wuss lol. (Interesting note though, I love the name Temperance, and it is on our list as a name for our newest LO)
and bedbugs= a MAJOR pain in my a**. I haven't been around too much because I've been cleaning everyday, either that or I've been sick. Today I did both, cleaned and feel like crap 0_0.
We got rid of everything cardboard in the house, bagged up the entire basement, stuffed animals and any extra pillows. The I put double sided tape down all of the friggin place. My daily routine is to wipe down walls, steam mop floors, then spray bug spray and then spray with alcohol. On the bright side, my house is freaking spotless and we're saving on the utility bill because the windows are open alot during the day so the heat is off. We also haven't found any bugs dead or alive in about a week! So there is that
The downside, I am exhausted from cleaning. Simply exhausted. The husband bought me all these cool new toys (new touchscreen computer/kindle fire/portable photo scanner) and I haven't even been able to play with them :said with a pouty face: lol
Oh and in FUN NEWS
The MAF wanted to buy M a snake for his 3rd birthday, said it would be a great "sensory" thing for him and of course he is right it would be, but I don't like snakes. Well I caved and said if that's what M wanted he could have it. When we went to the pet store, M wanted a lizard instead...
So guess what we came home with? A Ball Python AND a Chinese Water Dragon. Not overly thrilled about the snake, I don't touch him but I LOVE the Lizard, he's so cool and animated! It's neat to watch him move around. Respectively, the snake was named "Speedy" by the 4 yr old and me and M named the Lizard Charlie!
Sorry, didn't mean to be rude by calling you Tempi. The name seemed to fit your posting style so well... I can switch to MamaP, of course.
(Temperance IS a nice name.)
Yeah for no more bugs in a spotless house! Hopefully you're done now & can enjoy your new toys. If those were for Valentine's somebody in my house will get an earfull later for his crummy flowers...
The Chinese Water Dragon is awesome. And maybe you can teach the snake to eat bugs?
I'm glad that things are looking up for you.
@Kate you weren't being rude at all! How were you to know I just made up a name LOL. It's just funny hearing it now, especially since in a few months we'll be calling our lo that. :)
and I am HAPPY to hear someone who actually likes the name Temperance, the people around hubby and I really really dislike it :(, but we simply love it.
The gifts weren't for Valentine's LOL, for that I got a huge box of Whitman's chocolate and Breaking Dawn pt 1 xD. The computer was just because he knew how much I've been drooling over a touch screen for years now. (Coincidentally enough, since JM got hers) The photoscanner was because I work so hard at home (um wow, he noticed?) and the Kindle was because he went over budget and bought himself 2 new handguns, didn't want me to get mad.
LOL @ the snake, That was one of the husbands first comments, hey it could eat the bugs! Hubby's grandma is convinced it's going to eat one of the babies
I want to know what you all found out because well, I can't figure anything out. LOL!!
On a side note, if anyone has been following MWOP apparently Barb wrote a 23 page letter to the court. Could you imagine if you were the judge and received that? Insanity.
Snakes. *shudders*
I'm trying to catch up on everything around here today...MamaP and Pamala, I'll tell y'all what I figured out, not that it's a huge deal, I guess, if you email me. It's anemonepie at yahoo. For the record, unless you've been actively participating here lately or we're FB friends, don't bother asking me. If I was going to tell just anyone, I'd say it here. Sorry, but that's how it is on this one.
Hey, is there a link to Barbara's 23 page letter so we can read it all? I feel brain-dead and can't seem to find it, if so. I found, on her FB, the pics of the bound binders...why does she have alphabetized tabs on each one?
Sent you an email. You'll know it's me because we'll I'm just not all that creative when it comes to usernames and emails. LOL!!
Hi Ladies,
Have you seen this article? I would be pretty ticked off if the school did this without my approval!
http://www.foxnews.com/us/2012/02/14/preschoolers-homemade-lunch-replaced-with-nuggets/
Uh, different question: Why is MWoP now posting BMM's divorce court documents?
Probably to get back at her.
D, I'm shocked at that article...and this? THIS? "when a state agent who was inspecting lunch boxes" boggles my mind. State agents inspecting lunch boxes? Really? Do people realize that's only a step away from them inspecting our shopping carts and barging in at dinner to inspect our plates? I'm horrified by this...this is America and quite frankly, if we want to feed our kids junk, that should be our prerogative. State agents inspecting lunch boxes, my ass. Christ almighty.
And Barbara's divorce documents? Really? That pertains to all this, how?
Oh, and Pamala, I had a sneaking suspicion the email from from you when it said "Pamala", lol!
Actually if I was reading correctly Barb actually posted her divorce documents originally in an effort to prove something about being able to write court documents I guess.
But seeing as she was banned and I guess all her comments thus deleted, you wouldn't realize that unless you were a freak like me and read a bunch of the comments.
So to be fair I think Barb thought posting those docs or at least the appeals doc would help her out in some manner or scare them because she thinks she can write well or something.
I'd be afraid if my child's lunch was gone through. See sugar is my daughter's best friend, and she gets a lot of it. She's also very picky. So I put in there what she will eat because not eating is bad. Luckily my daughter goes to private school and they just don't care.
On a side note, check out the pictures of the home JM is in. I still think she's living with her parents but if not she's fucking lucky. I can't even rent a place and I work full-time.
Yes, I am also baffled by that! How did they know that turkey and cheese wasn't a vegan alternative? Or if she was allergic to ingredients in the chicken nuggets? I would say the lunch her mom packed was sufficient. How much food can a child eat? The chips aren't the best choice, but as a parent you reserve that right. It might have been a treat. Now if it were a lunch with chips, candy, fruit roll ups, gushers, etc- then yes that's not cool. Or if the child has very little or no lunch. I also love how they charged the mom after wards!
This is how I would expect a school to address this issue if they really felt the need to supplement a students lunch.
:::Ring ring::: "Hello, Mrs.D?" "Yes, this is she." "This is the lunch lady at 123 School and we wanted to make sure it was ok to give your child some extra food which includes XYZ?"
That's all they had to do. I also think it's hypocritical that they say the mother isn't packing a healthy lunch and turn around and give the daughter chicken nuggets! My son eats them (ones from the store not MckDonalds), but I am not saying they are healthy!
Shit, when my kid went to elementary school, I gave him anything he wanted since any food beats no food, like you said. He often bought lunch, like on pizza bread days, but all he'd eat was the pizza bread. The rest usually got tossed and I knew it. I don't care what they put on trays and call "nutritious" because until they force-feed kids, it's useless.
I'm thinking that even if Jennifer isn't living with her folks, that could still be their kitchen. The idea of taking pics of your kids in your mom's kitchen isn't odd or anything. Or, it could be hers...I've always said it's a matter of time until a sheeple offers her a place to live. It won't last.
Barbara...she's a pip, isn't she?
Thanks, Pamala.
I usually only check MWoP for Anja's (and maybe Roobii's) activity and Anja had 2 of BMM's documents up. Context eluded me...
So BMM isn't tongue in cheek? She actually thinks she's some sort of legal expert? Ugh.
Yeah she seems to think so. And from what I gathered she may have listed damn near every user name on MWOP (thank God I haven't been able to post there in a while) as well.
I'm not sure what they're thinking in regards to these letters. Posting that there are mean people on the internet won't negate the fact that she omitted stuff.
The judge isn't going to go and decide to okay the bankruptcy because she gets support letters telling the judge to ignore the meanies. LOL!
I really hope she did send in a letter though, cause I want to read it.
Eh I decided to delete that comment. LOL! I'm going home now. We'll see what tomorrow brings.
Although I have a question, won't JM's new address be listed on court docs in the future? I'm guessing she won't be able to hide her address for very long.
Lisa, email sent!
I want to read Barb's letter as well, I am so curious to know what she has in THREE different books!
and I would be pissed if the school fed my kid something other than what I packed! If I'm packing my child's lunch, then I want my child to eat that food! gah
"Shit, when my kid went to elementary school, I gave him anything he wanted since any food beats no food, like you said. He often bought lunch, like on pizza bread days, but all he'd eat was the pizza bread. The rest usually got tossed and I knew it. I don't care what they put on trays and call "nutritious" because until they force-feed kids, it's useless."
^^ That's me right now with my 4yr old. He isn't eating anything, so right now I will literally give him anything if he will just eat. Even if its just bread, or a corn dog if he'll eat, I will let him eat it!
It ate a big reply. Dammit.
I guess I should take that as a hint...
My son will be 4 next month. He's a big eater and eats generally what we give him, but there are days he refuses. Guess it's part of growing up!
Anyone find that complaining about garnet countertops and stainless steal to be a bit odd?
Not me.
That's the envy part they're always denying.
When I read stuff like "my sister is wealthy and they're showy about it by having SUVs and smartphones" I know where this is coming from.
Let's all live in poverty until everybody can afford showy things.
Exactly. I admit I'm jealous of JM. She always seems to land on her feet. And that makes me angry because I work my ass off and have little to show for it.
My mom says that it's because I don't lie, cheat, etc. That I do the right thing, and sometimes that means the good people "suffer" while the bad prosper.
Oh well.
@D Miller, I wish my 4 yr old would eat. It's such a struggle. Plus he's underweight so that doesn't help matters much anyhow.
@Pamala, that's what my husband says to me when I started complaining about people around us, like some family who get everything for free, don't pay childcare, receive government aid, yet don't appreciate anything and brag about selling their foodstamps or wic. :sigh:
The complaining about the appliances and counters were part of my reply that was eaten...you know, I'd love to have that stuff. I've got stock Lowe's cabinets and Wilsonart counters, along with an 18 year old fridge. I see that kitchen and start to get aggravated and even a little jealous if it's hers, but then I stop and realize the odds of it really being *hers are remote. Mine stuff *is mine and no one can take it away from me and I like that security. Plus, I got it honestly. In the end, if I really had to choose, I'd truly pick my kitchen over one like that that's rented or paid for by someone else or just loaned to me out of pity. Plus, it's all the more proof she really hasn't changed a bit, despite what all she's lost.
Pamala, does she really land on her feet, or does it just look that way materially? She's lost her husband and if she ever wanted to remarry, what kind of man would want her peculiar brand of trainwreck coupled with 5 kids? She would have a hard time ever finding a decent job now, it will be years before she has any real kind of financial independence and, in the meantime, she's a leech on society. She just spins and photographs to make it looks better than it is. She has next to no privacy and boy, is she going to have trouble with those kids as they get older and all this shit on the internet is found out by friends and friends' families. You're better off being you, trust me.
Mama P, I also was telling you I love the name Temperance. The old-fashioned names are just so pretty and, imo, it's a good choice. :-)
Mama P- When my son doesn't want to eat, I tell him that I will eat it then. Usually does the trick to change his mind :)
He is 3 ft 4 in and 37 lbs. I am only 5', he will be taller than me soon!
@ D Miller, haha if I told my son that, he'd hand his plate over and so here you go. I've already conceded that all of my kids will probably be taller than me by the time their 9. I am 4'10 with shoes on, the hubby is 6'4 without shoes!
He is 3ft 3 and 34lbs. So he's not underweight by much, but I still wish he'd eat more!
@Lisa & Pamala, whenever I feel envious of how "nice" the things JM gets, I remind myself that'd I'd take my not so fancy things over hers any day. I would never want to be in her shoes. Sure, my husband and I bitch at each other from time to time, but we love each other, and we love our little munckins. We don't have a ton of fancy things but we have each other and that makes us happy!
and Lisa, we love the name Temperance, and it falls into line with our other kids names. I'm like old fashioned names myself :)
That should say *I* not I'm
Tempi,
I was secretely wondering about that (going well with the other names). Nothing worse than changing track halfway through your offspring...
Like Tim, Tom, Anna and Temperance Smith.
A friend of mine has 4 as well and on the 2nd out of 3 boys she went Scandinavian + old-fashioned whereas the rest are more like JM's names. So now they're like Duncan, Lotte, Arne Godfrey, Darren. Wtf?
Add me to the list of mom's who's tiny kid just doesn't care about eating. It's so frustrating, but at least he makes up for it by being hilarious.
I'd be jealous of Jen and her house but truth is it's all for the pictures and we know it. I'd sooner live in a cardboard box with my husband and son than live her life.
Please please please tell me you guys have seen the letter Barb sent to the Judge? She has it posted on her FB.
Reading now!
I'm about 7 pages in and *dying, Mama P...just dying. I will pee myself before this is over! And is she supporting BWOP or not? I can't tell.
Back to read...
OMG Mama my eyes are gonna bleed to death before I can get through it all LOL
Damn...that woman is certifiable. I mean, really, truly mentally ill, isn't she? In the end, this isn't about the McKinneys at all with her...it's about her own court drama, how she felt and she's put the McKinneys in her place in her own head. I do believe I may have finally found my first ever online person I think could possibly be dangerous. :-/
But you have to hand it to some MWoPs: contacting her with real facebook accounts, with more MWoPs in the friendlist is not clever either.
WOW! That was a lot of stuff and I can't believe she took the time to compile all of that but to what end? What is that even going to accomplish?
Kate, no, it was stupid as hell unless they've all made up some names to use and none are real. My mouth is still hanging open...what's with the pictures of JM's kids? And no, none of it will matter a bit, except to maybe scare the judge.
Lisa,
take a look at that Jennifer Crewe friendlist. See someone familiar?
Why are they poking that bear?
Tempi,
For the bankruptcy judge: nothing.
What is this document everyone is reading?
Kate, I can't find it...arghhh!
Jill, go find Barbara Murtha Malley on FB. It's the document (30+ pages) she submitted to JM's bankruptcy judge and she has it on on her FB.
Ohhhhh, I found it, Kate. Huh. I will say, she used to be on OHIH and I liked her well enough. from there, I've only heard stories, lol.
I don't think I have the patience to read that.
It reads like a cross between stalking and MckMama fanfic.
MackMama fanfic...lol! That's an excellent and accurate assessment. People are curious creatures. :-)
Heee heeee, Lisa, is that *you?!
Lisa,
Just read on MWOP, they think you're a sheeple who's going to be banned!!!! Hahahahaha
You probably will be banned though ;)
Darcy
We all get our one shot at fame before being banned there, no? That was mine. ;-) And every bit of it was honest, to boot.
It was honest & spot on ;) I thought it was a great comment.
Darcy
I always miss the fun and sadly can't access facebook here at work so I'm going to have to wait, unless someone wants to download it and email it to me! PLEASE!!
well, my comment still stands and you know, while I admit to intending it to dig some, it's still the truth...why would you send your kindergartener boy to school with nail polish on, especially when they are new to school and will be trying to fit in? And not even a fun color a boy could get by with like black or green but what appears to be a pale, frosty pink or lavender. Kids can be very ugly and it can start early...does she *want her kid to get called a faggot? I can't imagine she does, so why in the world would she do this? It should be okay for boys to do these things, nail polish or pigtails, but we all know what the actuality usually is. :-/
I dreamed about Barbara's stupid book...argh. Question for y'all, if nervous of her at all? I have to admit, if I had young kids, I would be and would be *very worried about ever crossing her and making her mad.
My personal opinion is this..... I think Barb is bored. I think she dreams of being a lawyer and thinks she probably could of been one at some point in her younger life. For some reason I envision her thinking she could be the next "Erin Brokervich" (spelling?) and be the first to take down a website that "Bullies & destroys" a "young moms" family in court. She probably thinks or hopes? that this could be the start of a new bill that will be created to halt cyber bullying............. Or maybe she's just crazy. :P
Darcy
I think JM has to be worried about BM. I mean seriously it may seem like BM has nothing but great intentions but all it takes is for someone to be too obsessed, to believe they are in fact a good friend or part of their life, to just be delusional. I haven't read the document, but my sister managed to pull up the photos and seriously I thought it was a joke, it couldn't possibly be that wrong. WTH is wrong with people?
Hm. I'd agree with Darcy 100%.
If it wasn't for BMM having a phase of being very... snippy... towards JM not too long ago.
Very atypical. Made me think she's pissed somehow. She also created one of her MWoP profiles and was openly badmouthing JM during that time. And she appeared almost cruel.
That seemed like a deranged person to me. JM asked her to email her shortly after & BMM went back to be the great defender.
The screenshot collection doesn't scare me. Haven't read it, but I'd wager it wouldn't take me more than half a day to put that together.
Probably beats sudoku and dog hair crafts.
Pamala,
do you still need to read Lisa's comment or has somebody updated you already?
Yeah I got it. :)
Lisa,
"I liked her well enough. from there, I've only heard stories, lol."
We're either remembering things very differently or we're looking at different people. Hm.
"It should be okay for boys to do these things, nail polish or pigtails, but we all know what the actuality usually is. :-/"
I must say, I was kinda surprised by your facebook comment yesterday. This plays into my 2 only fears in child raising and now I'm bummed out that this is your point of view. Need to go check what your book recommendation is about...
After reading Mck since Stellan days, and being annoyed by her since my first read, participating in OHIO and all MWOP's, I am finally so bored by it all. I used to find it entertaining in a train wreck/soap opera kind of way, because I never felt any real investment in her, but now her shit is such a mess, I don't even want to look.
Also, I get tired off all the sanctimonious bull shit posted on MWOP and BWOP. Everyone seems to be an authority on everything at those 2 places.
I can't even bring myself to care about Barb and her manifesto.
Not that anyone cares, just thought I'd get that off my chest.
Julia
And by investment, I mean emotional, or whatever the MWOPers always complain about. I never sent anyone any money. I did offer her my old Blackberry when she was whining about her cell phone dying while Stellan was hospitalized, but little did I know, she was already gifted a brand spanking new Iphone.
Julia
Julia,
Are you the Julia from the forum? If so what happened there?
Darcy
Kate, why were you surprised by what I said yesterday? What bummed you out? While I admittedly snarked it up a tad, I still meant what I said. You've confused me, I'm sorry. :-/
Julia, I'm not all the way with you but I'm getting there. I've been busy all afternoon and evening and while I wanted to come see what y'all were talking about here, I find myself just not so interested at all in JM or MWOP. I think it's finally starting to sink into my hard head that nothing will ever really change. Barb's manifesto was interesting but even that has already worn thin.
"We're either remembering things very differently or we're looking at different people. Hm."
I don't think so...I just missed all the drama on MWOP that involved her. My memories are solely from OHIH and maybe I missed some big stuff then, btu I don't think so and liked her well enough at that point. I just can't say one way or another later since I don't know that history.
Lisa,
Sorry, re-reading my comment from yesterday I think I deleted some words or something. Didn't mean to sound so cryptic.
I was/am bummed about your advice on JM's facebook regarding the nailpolish. Maybe I've read it wrong, but it sounded to me as if you're asking her to reconsider sending the kid to school like that.
But maybe you're only reminding her to be prepared in case the kid runs into some cruelty from his peers.
Anyway, I've read up on the book you recommended and I will definitely keep my eye out for it.
"I just can't say one way or another later since I don't know that history."
Yeah, I wasn't trying to re-hash some MWoP history there. Just saying that it appeared to be a 'real' name friend list. That they used to contact BMM. Now what's the point in this other than to create drama? And stupid to boot.
Darcy:
I am probably the same Julia, I think there were 2 of us. What do you mean by what happened there?
Julia,
I meant, did it shut down? Perhaps I just can't access it anymore? *shrugs*
Darcy
Darcy:
They changed the URL. It's snarkyurlhere.com
*yawns and announces there's a new post up*
Julia,
That's right! I haven't been since summer/fall? Thanks you :)
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