Saturday, June 30, 2012

It's Sunday-ish...let's explore Deuteronomy 28.

It's disturbing, Deuteronomy 28 is...really, really disturbing.  It even wishes infidelity, cannibalism, STDs, fungus and hemorrhoids on you. Or if not you, then someone. I know a few people who ought to be pretty concerned over all this, though.  Here are some high (or low, I suppose) points worth sharing:

28:15 But it shall come to pass, if thou wilt not hearken unto the voice of the LORD thy God, to observe to do all his commandments and his statutes which I command thee this day; that all these curses shall come upon thee, and overtake thee:

28:22 The LORD shall smite thee with a consumption, and with a fever, and with an inflammation, and with an extreme burning, and with the sword, and with blasting, and with mildew; and they shall pursue thee until thou perish.

28:27 The LORD will smite thee with the botch of Egypt, and with the emerods, and with the scab, and with the itch, whereof thou canst not be healed.

28:28 The LORD shall smite thee with madness, and blindness, and astonishment of heart:

28:30 Thou shalt betroth a wife, and another man shall lie with her: thou shalt build an house, and thou shalt not dwell therein: thou shalt plant a vineyard, and shalt not gather the grapes thereof.

28:35 The LORD shall smite thee in the knees, and in the legs, with a sore botch that cannot be healed, from the sole of thy foot unto the top of thy head.

28:53 And thou shalt eat the fruit of thine own body, the flesh of thy sons and of thy daughters, which the LORD thy God hath given thee, in the siege, and in the straitness, wherewith thine enemies shall distress thee: 

28:55 So that he will not give to any of them of the flesh of his children whom he shall eat: because he hath nothing left him in the siege, and in the straitness, wherewith thine enemies shall distress thee in all thy gates.

28:57 And toward her young one that cometh out from between her feet, and toward her children which she shall bear: for she shall eat them for want of all things secretly in the siege and straitness, wherewith thine enemy shall distress thee in thy gates.

and then, just to add further insult to injury...

28:68 And the LORD shall bring thee into Egypt again with ships, by the way whereof I spake unto thee, Thou shalt see it no more again: and there ye shall be sold unto your enemies for bondmen and bondwomen, and no man shall buy you.

Yikes. And people wonder why there's so much violence in the world. Imagine, for a moment, that Deuteronomy 28 was a video game or something...

Saturday, June 9, 2012

Pastor Steve is going to teach us about Jesus again.

String, get the pantyhose ready and if y'all can't be gay then be sure to curse your parents, just to be defiant.  Or definite.  :-D